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Tuesday, June 21

 

Scientology 101

Take notes, kids. There will be a quiz on Friday.

This Scientology information is taken from cultNews.com.

75 million years ago, a galactic ruler named Xenu paralyzed people and sent them to Earth in space ships. Their bodies were arranged around volcanos, but then someone(?) lowered H-bombs into the volcanos and detonated them. That's what the exploding mountain on the cover of Dianetics is referencing. The souls of those billions of people who were murdered are still hanging around haunting or inside modern day people and are called “Body Thetans” or “BTs.” BTs aren't healthy for you, and Scientology aims to get those BTS out of you for the right amount of cash.

All members of the church/cult are given a ranking. When Scientologists reach OT-3 (Operating Thetan Level 3), they are told the big space secret and are already malleable enough to believe it.

Tom Cruise is OT-6, John Travolta is OT-7, and Jenna Elfman, who may be even nuttier than TC, is a 6 or a 7. I thnk 8's the limit. I would check again, but I'm at work. Dharma learned about Scientology from her husband Bohdi who may or may not be Patrick Swayze from Point Break, and comes off as absolutely crazy in an interview on this website. I look forward to reading about other cults.




posted by evt1618  # 10:42 AM
Comments:
I think the "big space secret" opens June 29th
 
Official cult week! What's next? Maybe we could mesh them altogether and make our own.

someone(?) lowered H-bombs into the volcanoes and detonated them.

Sounds like we're going to need a whole lot of Kabbalah water to cure those radiation burns.

But seriously, how'd they get Katie so fast?
 
So H-bombs left all those ghosts behind and the BTs are still around. What happened, then, when Hiroshima and Nagasaki hit the clock?

Are these the NEW BTs? Do they too fight for controlling us? I mean --they must be pretty pissed and they didn't even come in spacehips first!

The SAT question should go as follows:

H-Bomb is to BT as A-bomb is to:

A) Einstein
B) DT
C) Oppenheimer
D) A and B only
E) Send $ for answer
 
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